Birds That Flop Or Birds That Soar?
By Synthia Robinson-Pack
There once was a woman who had a pair of beautiful birds which she dearly loved. She kept them in a fine cage and provided them with fresh food and water daily. Each day she would get the birds out of their cage and stroke their beautiful feathers. They brought so much enjoyment to her.
Often the birds would try to fly away but they couldn't because she had clipped their wings. The woman had to periodically clip them because the cut feathers on their wings would grow back though. She hated this task but it was the only way she could keep her beloved birds without fear of losing them. Instead of gracefully soaring, they flopped around miserably. That is the price they had to pay for their owner's love.
Instead of criticizing the woman who owned the beautiful birds, we should examine our own lives to determine if we are clipping the wings of those around us. Are we constraining those we love because of fear? Do you control and dominate your loved ones because you are trying to protect them too? If so, you are no better than the woman with the aviary.
Snip, Snip, Snip
Women, are you clipping the wings of your husband or your children? Proverbs 14:1 says, Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands. Are you plucking your house, or family, down with your hands? Men, are you clipping the wings of your wife? Do you tear down your family members? Do you criticize, bully, abuse or control them? If so, you are plucking down your house.
You may try to justify your actions by saying that you are protecting your family, trying to spare them from making mistakes that will have harsh consequences. This may be true but you should realize that you do not clip the wings of others because of love; you clip their wings because of fear.
You may think that you are operating out of love but you are actually acting in fear. "Well, I am only trying to protect them from harm," you may counter. The Scriptures tell us that, There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment.(1) True love does not contain fear. True love does not worry that others will abandon you. It does not fear the strengths or weaknesses of others. It does not try to control others.
Love Provides Complete Freedom, Even To Make Mistakes
Isn't it interesting that the God of Love has given us so much freedom? It is not a coincidence.
God first created man in His image. Then, He created woman. Both creatures were free in the Garden of Eden. They could do anything they wanted. God warned them to not eat of the fruit from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil though. He did not stop them from eating the fruit: He only warned them not to eat it.(2)
God could have stopped Eve from plucking the fruit off the tree, placing it in her mouth and taking a big bite of it. He could have prevented Adam from blatantly disobeying Him when he partook of the forbidden fruit. God did not stop them from eating of the fruit even though He knew that it would bring tremendous pain and death upon the world. He still gave them the freedom to make their own choices: good or bad. God still allows people complete freedom.
People wonder why there is so much wickedness and pain in this world. It is because people make the wrong choices. People choose to kill, maim, destroy, control, hurt, deceive . . . . We blame God for the sins of others. "Well, God could have stopped them from harming others." Yet, God doesn't stop us when we cause pain, sorrow, frustration and hopelessness. He allows us the freedom to make our own choices, even if the consequences are harmful to ourselves and/or to others.
God does not clip our wings and then try to justify it. He simply gives us the freedom to soar in the heavens or to peck upon the earth. We can all fly if we choose to though. God allows us that freedom, even if it means that we fly away from Him. He does not want us to serve Him because we are forced to do so. He wants us to serve Him because we choose to do so.
Scissor-Bearing Christians
As a Christian, are you trying to control the spiritual lives of others? Are you "disciplining" church members away from God? Are you hugging baby Christians too tightly and squeezing the breath right out of them? If so, then stop.
What makes you think that you know what is best for them? God did not relinquish His title to you. So why are you trying to take over? Do you think God cannot care for His own? Do you think that He has to have you to run things? No. Those thoughts come from pride. Plain and simple.
When we try to control the spiritual lives of others, we are saying that we are spiritually better than they are. Once again, we may try to justify it by saying that we are trying to disciple, minister, guide or love them; we are only operating out of pride though.
God does not need us controlling His children. He does not do that to them and we do not have a right to either. God allows His children the freedom to make their own choices, even if it means they make the wrong ones. It is inevitable that people will make the wrong choices too. God knows that. That does not stop Him from giving them complete freedom though. Instead, God allows them to make mistakes or choose the wrong things. Instead of binding them, He frees them.
Freedom Does Not Mean Abandonment
He does not abandon them though. He is a loving, kind God who forgives and helps people after they have made the wrong choices. In the parable of the prodigal son(3), the Love of the Father is revealed: He allows his younger son the freedom to make the wrong choices. When the son realizes his failure and returns home, the Father lovingly welcomes His son home without criticizing and being judgmental. He does not remind His son of the sacrifices He had made for Him. He simply lovingly welcomes him. He provides the young man with things for his comfort, health and enjoyment. Then the Father celebrates the return of His child. That is what happens when God's children rebel and return to their Father.
Notice in the story that when the younger son returns, the older son rejects and criticizes him. The older son also scorns His father and becomes angry with Him. The Father defends his acceptance of his child, even though He does not justify his misdeeds. That is the position we should take when others return from the misadventures. We should show love, acceptance and mercy. We should be willing to protect them from others. We should not, however, defend or justify their wrong deeds.
It is not easy to love like the prodigal's son Father did. It is something that takes time, commitment and prayer. But if we learn to give others (including family members) the freedom to make their own choices and then to lovingly help them when they fail, we will have learned not to clip the wings of others. Then all Christians and children can become eagles that soar, instead of birds that flop.
1. I John 4:18
2. See Genesis 3 for the story.
3. Luke 15:11-32.
© Copyright 1999, Synthia Robinson-Pack. All rights reserved.