Chapter 19

As we discussed in the chapter on abortion, life begins at conception. Most of us are old enough now to know about the birds and the bees, the facts of life, or whatever term you want to use. Yes, we are talking about the conception, gestation and birth of a child. Whether we received our information from our parents, schoolmates, television, school or experience itself, the basics are the same. We learned that it takes a man’s sperm and a woman’s egg to create a child. We may have had a dry science lecture or a more salacious version. It does not matter. The result is usually the same: we learn how we were brought into existence and we are unimpressed. We should not take life or children for granted.

Imagine what life would be like without children. If there were no children, humanity would cease to exist. In general, children are the perpetuation of mankind; more specifically, they are a society’s future. In other words, if we failed to bear children, man would become extinct and our family lines would stop. We could not share our heritage, knowledge, morals, wealth and love. As we read in Proverbs 17:6, Children’s children are the crown of old men; and the glory of children are their fathers.

As a society, we would cease to develop because there would be no one to expand upon the previous generations’ knowledge. Additionally, life would not be as fun, innocent and endearing. Children bring so much to our lives. Yet we persist in taking them for granted. We should understand, however, that children are a gift from God - a very precious gift.

Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.^{^[1]}

Until we recognize that children are indeed blessings from God, we will not appreciate and cherish them enough. Only when we realize God’s benefaction will we be the parents God desires us to become.

Have you ever thought about the fact that almost any couple can have a child? God does not give us an exam or a requirement before He blesses us with the precious gift of life. He does not expect us to plead or bribe Him to allow us to have children. Maybe if He did so, we would understand the enormity of parenting.

The truth of the matter is that many people who have children are totally unprepared for them: emotionally, financially and mentally. Often they do not think of whether they are emotionally prepared to love, support and guide them. They do not realize how expensive it is to raise children and how much they will have to sacrifice and change their lives for a child. Although we think of teenage girls being totally unprepared for motherhood, we should also realize that many adults are not prepared for it.

Parents who are unprepared for parenting create problem children who impact their family, community and nation. Many people believe that the lack of good parenting has produced generations that are rebellious, stubborn and uncompassionate. Indeed, the generation of latchkey children have produced kids who are unsupervised, bored and undisciplined. This is a perfect formula for trouble. Does the description below sound familiar?

This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away. For of this sort are they which creep into houses, and lead captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts, ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth. Now as Jannes and Jambres withstood Moses, so do these also resist the truth: men of corrupt minds, reprobate concerning the faith.^{^[2]}

As our children become more unparented with each succeeding generation, our society exponentially deteriorates. We end up with children who have no respect for their parents and other authorities and parents who simply want their kids to leave home so they will not have to deal with them any longer. But parenting is not an eighteen-year sentence inflicted upon fathers and mothers. Once you have a child, you are forever a parent. Therefore, having children is a major life-long responsibility which should be carefully considered before undertaking. Before becoming parents through natural birth or adoption, men and women should consider that it is their duty, and not society’s, to raise their children.

I will open my mouth in a parable: I will utter dark sayings of old: which we have heard and known, and our fathers have told us. We will not hide them from their children, shewing to the generation to come the praises of the LORD, and his strength, and his wonderful works that he hath done. For he established a testimony in Jacob, and appointed a law in Israel, which he commanded our fathers, that they should make them know to their children: that the generation to come might know them, even the children which should be born; who should arise and declare them to their children: that they might set their hope in God, and not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments: and might not be as their fathers, a stubborn and rebellious generation; a generation that set not their heart aright, and whose spirit was not stedfast with God.^{^[3]}

As parents, we must teach our children that to function properly in society when they become adults, they have to follow rules and respect authority. This is the parents’ responsibility. It does not belong to the school, church or law enforcement officials to teach our children obedience. It belongs solely to the parents. The Bible clearly teaches that children should obey their parents. Proverbs 1:8-9 advises children, My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother: for they shall be an ornament of grace unto thy head, and chains about thy neck. Furthermore, we read in Proverbs 23:22, Hearken unto thy father that begat thee, and despise not thy mother when she is old. Why should children obey their parents? The first reason is reason enough: Because God said to do so. However, with obedience to God’s laws comes blessings. We receive the promise of blessings, and a second reason to obey our parents, in Ephesians 6:1-3, Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; that it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.

The Bible also addresses the issue of disobedient children. Proverbs 10:1 compares the difference between an obedient and a disobedient child: A wise son maketh a glad father: but a foolish son is the heaviness of his mother. There are several Scriptures that reveal the misery which comes from a disobedient child. Here are some of them:

A wise son maketh a glad father: but a foolish man despiseth his mother.^{^[4]}

He that begetteth a fool doeth it to his own sorrow: and the father of a fool hath no joy.^{^[5]}

A foolish son is a grief to his father, and bitterness to him that bare him.^{^[6]}

A foolish son is the calamity of his father: and the contentions of a wife are a continual dropping.^{^[7]}

He that wasteth his father, and chaseth his mother, is a son that causeth shame, and bringeth reproach.^{^[8]}

These Scriptures clearly convey why parents should teach their children to behave properly. We are told disobedient children bring sorrow, grief, bitterness, calamity, shame, and reproach upon their parents. If for no other reason that to avoid the pain and grief, parents should expect obedient children.

Parents should also expect more than obedience, including kindness, love, self-motivation and discipline. Children grow best in love and structure. It is the parent’s responsibility, and not the child’s, to provide loving support, encouragement and guidance. Proverbs 22:6 directs parents to, Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

To guide, direct and supervise children, parents must be involved with them. They cannot expect to develop good children if they do not spend quality time and quantity time together. Parents need to learn what their children are doing and with whom. A parent should know what kind of friends his child has. Are they respectable or not? Good friendships should be encouraged and bad ones forbidden. It is the parents’ responsibility to help their child make the right decisions. They should remember that, Whoso keepeth the law is a wise son: but he that is a companion of riotous men shameth his father.^{^[9]}

Just like adults, children develop reputations which govern how they are treated by others. The Bible confirms this, Even a child is know by his doings, whether his works be pure, and whether it be right.^{^[10]} Children should also learn that they will be held accountable for their actions and inactivities.

Rejoice, O young man, in thy youth; and let thy heart cheer thee in the days of thy youth, and walk in the ways of thine heart, and in the sight of thine eyes: but know thou, that for all these things God will bring thee into judgment. Therefore remove sorrow from thy heart, and put away evil from thy flesh: for childhood and youth are vanity.^{^[11]}

Parents should make certain children know what is expected of them and the repercussions that follow if they fail to meet those expectations. Parents need to realize that their children become what they expect of them.

If a parent has low expectation for his child, his child will only meet those low expectations. However, if a parent expects much from his child, the child will meet those higher expectations. Each parent should set reasonable limits on their children. They should have expectations that are not too high as to discourage their children, nor too low that they fail to motivate their child. Children need established limits and discipline when they go beyond those limits.

When it comes to parenting, discipline is one of the most heated issues. People are completely polarized between physical discipline, such as spanking. Some believe that spanking is acceptable; others think spanking is abusive to children. What is the correct answer? Actually, they both are correct. Spanking when done correctly can help parents guide their children;. When done wrongly, it can do more harm to a child than a simple sore bottom. It can leave emotional, as well as physical, bruises and scars.

Many people refuse to physical discipline their child because they say that it is wrong. Yet how can they explain the meaning of Proverbs 29:15, The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.? They cannot so they negate the wisdom of the Scripture. They also do not understand that discipline in any form, including spanking, can be done with love and honor or anger and abuse.

Parents must realize that any discipline done in anger and without love and respect can be abusive! To better understand this, imagine two households. In the first, a boy hits his smaller sister and gets caught. His mother sits him down and talks to him about the inappropriate behavior. She calmly explains that he will receive a paddling for the offense. She then swats the offender on his bottom twice. Then she hugs him and tells him how much she loves him. In the second home, a boy pushes his younger brother down. His mother then starts yelling at the boy, jerks him around by his arm and pushes him into a corner of the room. She continues to yell at her son as he sits alone crying in the corner. Now which mother’s discipline was better? It was the physical discipline done with love and respect than the time-out issued without love and respect.

Parents should not be afraid to properly discipline their children. Proper discipline means punishment with love and respect and without anger and abuse. If a parent is too angry to discipline his child, he should delay the punishment until the parent has his emotions under control. Only then, should the parent chasten the child. Discipline done with love and respect helps create healthy, productive children who know they are loved. This is confirmed in Hebrews 12:5-9:

And ye have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him: for whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not? But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons. Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence: shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits, and live?

Parents who lovingly and respectfully discipline their children will be loved and respected as well. Just as good parents will produce good children, poor parents will produce poor children. Surely, no one wants to experience the ordeal of a bad child and no one wants to experience the ordeal of a bad parent either.

It is easy to be a bad parent. Why? Because it does not take any time, control or effort. However, it is much harder to be a good parent who produces healthy children. Good parents :

1. Allow their childen to express their feelings, thoughts and positions respectfully to others.

3. Enjoy their children. They understand that if a parent abandons and ignores his children in their youth, they will abandon and ignore him in his retirement.

4. Spend quality time and quantity time with their children. As much as we would like to say quality time is enough, it is not. We need to spend as much time as possible with our children, even if it means making sacrifices.

5. Teach morals and manners to their children. Good parents do not delegate this authority to the schools, neighbors, peers and churches. They do it themselves.

6. Set a good example for their children. Children learn what they see and they especially emulate their parents. What kind of example do you want to set for your child?

7. Don’t project their unfulfilled dreams on their children. They allow them to develop their own dreams.

8. Respect their children. They realize that children have feelings and rights also.

9. Try to include their children in decisions which affect them, when possible. This allows their children to better understand how to decide what to do and determine what is best.

These are a few examples of what comprises good parenting. Do you want a shorter description? Ephesians 6:4 explicitly defines good parenting: And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

Good parenting does not enrage children, but nurtures and directs them to become holy men and women. That is the direction God expects for parents to guide their children physically, emotionally and spiritually into adulthood.

If you fail to consider your child’s spiritual growth, you do your child a great injustice, no matter how much you love him or her. Parents must realize that they have to address the spiritual needs, as well as physical needs, of their children. During His ministry on earth, Jesus recognized the spiritual needs of the children also. In fact, . . Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven.^{^[12]} There is no place in the Scriptures where Jesus mistreated children. He understood the precious value of children. This is expressed so sweetly in Mark 9:36-3:

And he [Jesus] took a child, and set him the midst of them: and when he had taken him in his arms, he said unto them, Whosoever shall receive one of such children in my name, receiveth me: and whosoever shall receive me, receiveth not me, but him that sent me.

If you are blessed to have children, how will you receive them? Hopefully, it will be with love, respect and value that transmits into meeting their physical, emotional, mental and spiritual needs. Only then will you be able to say, “I understand that children are blessings from God.”

^{^[1]}Psalms 127:3-5

^{^[2]}II Timothy 3:1-8

^{^[3]}Psalms 78:2-8

^{^[4]}Proverbs 15:20

^{^[5]}Proverbs 17:21

^{^[6]}Proverbs 17:25

^{^[7]}Proverbs 19:13

^{^[8]}Proverbs 19:26

^{^[9]}Proverbs 28:7

^{^[10]}Proverbs 20:11

^{^[11]}Ecclesiastes 11:9-10

^{^[12]}Matthew 19:14