The Despair and Praise of A Christian In Great Tribulation

By Synthia Robinson-Pack

I sit all alone and ponder my present circumstances.

My life has fallen around me like a cheap pair of socks.

It seems that nothing is going well and everything is falling apart.

I cannot keep it together any longer.

I thought I had it under control only to find that it was a farce.

My facade has crumbled in front of everyone, leaving me exposed.

Bare and naked I try to cling onto my dignity only to find it slipping from my hands.

I feel its burn as it slides through my hands.

How could I have lost it all in an instant? Why couldn't I keep it together?

What is the cause of my great loss? Why do I have to go through this?

The questions invade my mind as the terror invades my soul.

I whine out, Oh God, why have you done this to me?

I have lost everything and now all of my hard work is to no avail.

I have nothing left but this empty shell that I have become.

I sit alone in my misery and emptiness and find no solace.

There is no one who can help me. No relief to calm my torn soul.

I cry out to Him, If you are there, then show yourself!

But only hear nothing from the Infinite God.

Why won't you answer me? I scream to the Divine One and yet receive no reply.

Has everyone forgotten me, including Heaven?

I sit and cry until there is nothing left. I am empty, broken, ruined.

Silence and fatigue envelope me fully, completely overtaking me.

It is then that I hear a soft voice speaking to me.

It is Him! He does know that I exist. He hasn't forgotten me.

Oh my heart dances as I hear His voice softly speaking to me.

He speaks words of love, peace and encouragement to me.

He tells me that in my emptiness, He can now fill me with Himself.

I was too full of life's junk for Him and had to be purged.

God, if this is cleansing then why does it hurt so much?

If this is good, then why does it feel so horrible?

He answers softly that the things from God do not come without a price.

He purchased salvation for us with the gift of His precious Son.

We must pay the price for everything else though.

It is a divine trade-off: my junk and curses for His wealth and blessings.

I can feel the emptiness disappearing as He pours Himself into me.

The Spirit flowing through me feels like warm, liquid gold.

Its abundance removes my lack. Its wealth replaces my poverty.

Its peace supersedes my fear. Its healing touches my pain.

To receive the things of God, I must lose the things of this world.

To receive Him, I have to lose myself.

Now I understand. This is His ultimate purpose for my life.

This is His loving hand touching my life to renew, restore and replenish.

I relax in His presence and come to understand that He was there the whole time.

He was listening to me but I could not hear him because of my screaming and whining.

To hear God, I must be still and know that He is.

To be filled, I must first be emptied.

My spirit soars as I thank Him for this lesson.

My mind races as I try to comprehend what I have learned.

God is always there with me, even when I do not hear His voice.

He never leaves me, especially in the most arduous times. 

I must be willing to sit quietly and hear Him when He speaks.

I must also be willing to submit to His hand and divine purposes.

Thank you Lord for revealing Yourself to me in my despair.

Thank you Lord for emptying me of everything so that you can fill me.

I sing out praises to my God Who gladdens my heart.

I am a new person - blessed, loved and protected.

I thank God for the trial and tribulations I have undergone.

I praise Him for loving me enough to allow me to experience it fully.

I renew my heart to my Father who has renewed my strength.

I sing of His loving kindness and mercy to those who will listen.

Because I serve a God who is faithful and abiding.

He is my great gain and in Him I have everything.

© Copyright 2001 by Synthia Robinson-Pack. All rights reserved.

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